Breathe & Bloom

In my last post, I gave a list of how I’ve been feeling Lately. And this one is the one I have the most thoughts on at the moment.

Overthinking is natural and happens to everyone. I typically overthink about relationships when they’re in the beginning stages or other things here and there. I think that’s a normal amount, but lately I’ve been doing it way more than normal. I don’t know if it has to do with my thoughts lately.. but I find myself very worried about how the other person interprets what I say and I can’t do that to myself.

I know I can’t control how they interpret what I say. That’s on them, not me. I know what my intentions are and that’s all that’s to it. I know their interpretation doesn’t show the kind of person I am, but rather who they think I am. I know all of that, but I still can’t help it. It’s easier said than done.

The issue first started at work, but now it’s spilling over into my personal life. At work, almost everything has begun changing in a span of 7 months and for where I work to move that quick means a lot. Typically outside change doesn’t bother me, but so many coworkers have left, some by choice, that I’m constantly worried I may be next, not by choice. And the fact that it’s spilled into my personal life that I’m overthinking with one of my closest cousins. It’s gone too far. I can’t keep doing that.

Despite all of this gumption, I can’t help it. The only thing I’m able to do at the moment is try to catch myself and work on not

I know it’s bad and I can’t worry about how people interpret what I say, but I can’t help it..

I’m trying to catch myself to stop, but it’s hard. It works sometimes, but other times it’s just a minor distraction. After a moment, I go right back to thinking of different ways I could of responded and how it could have been interpreted. I hate it. It’s exhausting!

And if stopping myself doesn’t work.. then I have to confront the issue. I’m honestly not a fan of it, but it’s helping me to speak up for myself. Which, in the end, is a good thing and I need to do more of..

But it’s all just so uuuugh.. and the way we have to go about it to get here.. uuuuuuugh,

Whelp. Life sucks, but here we are.